People always tell you that everything is different after college when you enter the real world and to enjoy every minute of the time you’re in school, but honestly, who listens to those people? It’s not until you’re in the middle of something do you think back to advice other’s had given you. I’m guessing there are 3 million blogs about this same topic, but I felt the need to share how I’ve been feeling lately.
I’ve been out of college and in the “real world” for about two years now. Before that I was a commuter student for the last two years of school so I felt like I was already distanced from normal college life, especially living almost an hour from school and already married, I just felt very different and distanced from my classmates. Once I graduated, the friend I hung out with the most felt like I no longer had time for her because I wasn’t home during the day all the time. I realize schedules change and friends come and go, but it still doesn’t make that change easier.
I was driving home from happy hour with two former coworkers last night when everything just sort of hit me. Does that happen to anyone else? You’re driving along listening to some emotion provoking song and you just have this realization you’ve been trying to ignore for a while. It’s in that moment that you start to wonder when did everything change?
Maybe it’s just me, but I miss having a best friend I can call whenever to come over in her sweats and pj’s to watch junk TV and eat sweets and gossip all night. I know I’m in a different situation than most married ladies, with a husband that works 24-hour shifts, but I find myself feeling really lonely. I also don’t have those girlfriends nearby who I grew up with. The summer before high school I moved from Upstate New York to Oregon, and I left all those childhood friendships there and have the occasional Facebook conversation. Over the past few months, it seems as though a lot of changes have happened with many of my friends. I got a new job, so I don’t see the coworkers I used to spend a majority of my time with, I was working more hours so I didn’t have time for certain friends, and others just seem to have made new friends and don’t reach out to others as much. Whatever the case, my friendships have really changed.
As I was sitting on the couch spilling my emotions to Dan last night, something came out that I hadn’t ever voiced before. I told him “I love you and you are my best friend, but sometimes I just need more than you”. He knows that I’m not saying he isn’t enough for me, but in certain ways he isn’t. I need a girlfriend I can call and complain to when he is gone 6 out of 8 days at work, or who I can confide in about how scared it really makes me to think about him being gone for up to two weeks on a wildfire, or who doesn't mind chick flick marathons on the weekends, or who I can gossip with about how great Channing Tatum looks in that ad. There are reasons we need girlfriends, and I really miss that in my life. Sitting at dinner last night with two old coworkers, I felt like I no longer fit in with them. Driving home from that dinner, it really hit me that I don't really have anyone anymore. It sucks when life changes and friendship evolve, but I'm struggling to find something that I so badly want, a best friend who is around and supportive when I need support, and who can be goofy and silly and just be there!