To continue on with yesterday’s thought, I have been constantly thinking about babies lately. One of my best friends is currently pregnant with twins and I have been busy coming up with plans and details for her gender reveal party, and I find myself constantly thinking about kids of our own. Whether it’s the push from my dad for grandbabies, or spending lots of time around friends who have just had babies or are expecting, or all the lovely ladies around blog land that are expecting . . . I keep thinking about when the right time will be to start a family.
When Dan and I have talked about starting a family in the past, there were things we wanted to accomplish first. We wanted to:
- - Both be in secure jobs
- - Travel together
- - Own a house
- - Be done with school
- - Be stable financially
- - Be healthy
I can honestly say we have accomplished a lot of these things. We have been able to enjoy married life together for the last three and a half years, and have been on some pretty great trips, including the big trip we just returned from. We own our house, are both done with school, and feel financially stable. If I could pinpoint two things I worry about they would come down to jobs and health.
I have struggled off and on for the past few years with my weight. It’s something I am self conscious about and something that I know I want to work on. I want to be someone who excited about their growing belly, not self conscious and upset about it. I want to be able to have a healthy pregnancy and not one where I’m stuck on the couch or feeling miserable all the time. When I think about being pregnant, one of the first things I think about is how much weight I’ll gain, or how big my stomach will get, or worse if people will even realize I’m pregnant. I’ve struggled with my weight for a few years and even struggled with other health issues related to that and when I’m pregnant I want to be happy and not worried about how I look or what others think. Being pregnant should be a time you embrace your growing belly, not be ashamed of it. This is why I am making a change and really taking a close look at my diet and exercise. I’m focusing on eliminating gluten like I’m supposed to, and trying to find healthy meals that can help change our lifestyle in a positive way.
Work is also something that I worry about. My current job is temporary with the hope that I am able to find something within the same organization at the end of a period of time. You see, it’s grant funded and so when I took this job, I knew it was only for a couple years and then I would have to find something else. It seemed like a fine time frame at the time, but now as I sit here wanting to start a family, I feel even more confused about the next steps and when the right time is. Dan’s solution is to just figure it out when the time comes, but I’m a planner. I can barely handle a day off without a plan much less life without a plan! I hate feeling held back or unsure about the future. (There’s that planner in me again) I know there’s probably never a perfect time, but sometimes I just wish it was easier to figure out when a good time would be.
Loosing my father in-law over the holidays put life into perspective. Loosing him was unexpected and scary. We had presents under the tree with his name on them, plans with him in the future, and an assumption that he would be there to watch our kids grow up. While we knew his health was bad, I don’t think you ever prepare yourself emotionally for what could happen. Having such a wake up call on life made my brain turn even more. Why am I worrying so much and why does everything have to be perfectly planned out? Maybe if I lived more in the moment I would get to experience more.
While I’m sure I’m not alone in these feelings, it can be lonely to watch everyone around be in a place where they are ready for kids, while I sit here and still wonder. Is anyone else in the same place I am? How did you decide what time was the right time? Or what obstacles or things did you feel like you had to accomplish before you made that leap into parenthood?