Finding Answers - My Adoption Journey Part 2 | Health, Love & Fire

Finding Answers - My Adoption Journey Part 2

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

If you didn't stop by here on Wednesday, shame on you checkout part 1 of my adoption story HERE.
So I decided one day after many failed attempts to type in both the names I had for my birth parent's  into every search engine I had tried before. And then something unexpected happened, someone with the same name, same general location, and very similar features showed up in the search findings on Facebook. Was this my birth father?

I immediately picked up the phone and called my mom. I needed her advice and her sense of reason. I was blessed with two of the most support parents ever, so I knew I needed her opinion. As soon as she saw the picture I was looking at she laughed and asked if I was serious. The similarities between him and I were undeniable. It had to be him. But I had spent all this time just hoping one day I would find them, what do I do now? My mom and I talked it all through and I decided to edit the note I had tried to send my mom on classmates and send him a message via Facebook.

Four days later, I got a note back from his wife. It was him.

He took a couple days to process everything and in the meantime I talked a bit with his wife. When I got that first message from him, I was frozen. For years and years I had wondered so many times what he was like, what he was doing, what his life was and now that I had the opportunity to ask I felt frozen. I was scared of ruining a potential relationship, but anxious to have answers. We shared information and stories about our lives, and for months we messaged back and fourth several times a week. After talking for a couple months, I knew I wanted to meet him, so I planned a trip back to New York with my Dad and Husband (at the time he was my fiancé).

Meeting him was the most overwhelming, emotional, and stressful thing I have ever done. My heart jumped when I saw him pull in to the parking lot, my legs felt like jello as I got out of the car, and I felt speechless as we walked towards each other. After the initial overwhelming feeling subsided, we enjoyed a couple drinks and a few hours of getting to know each other and just enjoying being in each other's presence. I will cherish those few hours forever. I was amazed at how easy it was to open up to him and how fast the time passed. The similarities in our looks, our behaviors and our likes and dislikes was something I'd always wondered and something so special to me now. Not only did I get an opportunity to meet him that night, but so did my Father, my Uncle, and my now husband. I've never felt more thankful.

Saying goodbye at the airport after meeting him for the first time

This picture is of my half sister and my birth father at our visit this past November

We got the opportunity to meet up with him again during our trip. My Dad, husband and I went over to his house for lunch and got the opportunity to meet his wife and five children. I'd always wondered if I had other siblings, and was completely overwhelmed to be in their presence. With him I felt to at ease and comfortable, but being surrounded by them all was a lot to take in. They invited me back over before we flew home but it was too much. My head and heart were full of emotions and I just couldn't process anything. I spent the last few days of my trip surrounded by some of my favorite people from my growing up years, in some of my favorite most relaxing places. I needed a break mentally and emotionally and for one of the few times in my life, I let what I needed come first.

After a week back in the place I spent the first 15 years of my life, spending time with my favorite people, and meeting someone I'd always wondered about, I was more than ready to get back home, get a hug from my mom and process everything circling around in my head. I made the obligatory phone call to my mom the morning we left and as I was checking my email to give her my boarding pass information I saw something unimaginable.

A message from classmates.com. Really? Now? I'd waited 2 years, and now on the day I was flying home from the most overwhelming experience of my life, now was the time my birth mom was going to contact me. If I thought I was overwhelmed before, I was way over overwhelmed now!

I said goodbye to my friends, had a short goodbye visit with my birth father at the airport, and flew home to process everything. I waited a week before emailing her back. I needed time to think through it all. I wasn't trying to be rude but I had absolutely no idea what to say. This was all happening so fast and I was speechless and lost.

When I finally messaged her, it started a wonderful conversation. I found out I had more siblings, I learned more about my background and I was putting every piece of me and question I had together. We spoke for about 5 months through emails back and fourth and then I flew out to meet her and her family. Much the same as my birth father, it was a great experience. Overwhelming, but great. I had put all of these pieces of my life together in such a short period of time. Spending time in person with these people I had always wondered about was surreal. Was this seriously happening?
This is my birth mother and her husband and my half sisters

Throughout the entire process I had been so scared that I wouldn't find them, that they wouldn't want to meet me, or that we wouldn't have a good relationship. To prepare myself, I assumed the worst and figured that I needed to prepare myself to get hurt or for difficult emotions. Most of the stories I read were of relationships gone bad or finding out things that were sad or hurtful. So I just assumed that I should assume my situation would probably turn out the same. I hadn't really ever even considered what would happen if things went well. What if they wanted me to be a bigger part of their lives than I wanted to be?

Now it has been almost five years since I first met my birth father, and a little over four since I met my birth mom. Since meeting them and developing a relationship, it hasn't all been easy. Every time I am headed to visit them I still get the same pit in my stomach and that overwhelming nervousness that I got the very first time I met each of them comes back. But it has also given me a sense of closure and peace with myself, my background, and my history. It's difficult to explain the longing I always felt when it came to all the unanswered questions I had. Meeting them and getting many of those questions answered has helped me feel more confident in who I am and content with my life. Like any other relationship, it isn't easy, it takes work, but it's who I am and part of my life. I never expected my story to turn out the way that it did, but I am thankful it has. I'm thankful to get to share it with others and I'm thankful that I have the answers to make that possible.

I'm Libby - I'm adopted, have the greatest parents and brother ever, amazing birth parents, four half brothers and three half sisters. I am blessed, and I am me.

6 comments :

  1. That is such a good ending, and kind of amazing to have that many brothers and sisters, thanks for sharing :)

    Natalia

    ReplyDelete
  2. What an amazing story! I got chills when I read that you received a message back from your birth mom the day you left your birth dad. It truly shows that everything happens for a reason!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow! What an amazing story!! I am so glad that it had a happy ending!! I am also adopted but haven't brought myself to start the search. Maybe one day I will!

    ReplyDelete
  4. So glad that you were able to find, meet, and establish a relationship with your birth parents and all of your half-siblings. I'm glad that things worked out for you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have loved reading your story! You def. look like your birth dad.

    ~Ashley @ A Cute Angle
    acutelifestyle.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. oh my gosh, reading both of these parts just now. Makes me a little teary eyed. I'm adopted as well, but from Korea and came here when I was 5 months old. The feels you must have been feeling, I can't even imagine. So happy your story turned out so great. I am, like you, very luck to have the best parents and siblings (both adopted as well) in the world. I feel lucky that they picked me!

    ReplyDelete